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2002-10-09 - 12:50 p.m. The monkey shall not bite the astronaut. Dude! I said I�d be busy and antisocial for a couple days, but can we say too busy to type? Last week, I took this kick ass class on how to write requirements and it was F-U-N! The rest of you go ahead and snooze, but requirements are the lifeblood of an engineer. We can�t build anything until someone tells us, in specifics, what they want. People who write bad requirements shouldn't be surprised when they get bad products. But they always are. Actually, it�s a broader problem of communication. Ever tried to convince a group of four year olds to not put dirt on the carpet? Or get fighters to execute a complex plan? You�ve got to outline what you want in a clear and achievable way. In the mid-1980's someone wrote the following requirement for the Space Station program: "The monkeys shall not bite the astronauts." The engineer could not possible meet this requirement because he wasn�t making the monkey. He couldn�t build the monkey to not have those dental features. And no one (just ask Matt) has control over a monkey. Thus, a requirement written for failure. Writing good requirements is HARD. Writing down the problem statement is a difficult art and my team just wants to dive into the joy of bending metal. But it�s my job to keep them in the boat. The class was a practical way to actually produce complete, achievable, good requirements � which means I know see a clear path to doing my job. Huh. So it�s now my job to deny joy. That doesn�t sound so good. No, really, my job is to delay but enhance joy. If you do the work up front, it�ll be easier later� You won�t have to throw away the design you like cause you built the wrong thing� And they�ll be more cookies � And we won�t be making any monkeys. Last Wednesday was a wild trip to A Winter�s Tale with many of the usual suspects. Kyneburh and Genevieve covered the tragiocomedy at length, but we must say they were in diametrically opposed corners. Of course, Gen was already making Stitch noises in the elevator to the theatre so odds were in favor of random silliness. Like lambs bleating together, cavorting in the spring sunlight. Could I get that on Tshirts for Cuan's squires? We were as twinn'd lambs that did frisk i' the sun, And bleat the one at the other: what we changed Was innocence for innocence; we knew not The doctrine of ill-doing, nor dream'd �Lambs that � frisk � and bleat at one another.� Wonder how that would look on Tshirts for Cuan�s squires? Yeah, we called Tricia at intermission and left a message about sheep, but I haven�t heard back yet. I tell you, a duck may be the funniest joke animal, but I think sheep run a close second. And, in the middle of the Sound of Music yodeling musical that began Act III�s sheep shearing festival, Q looks at the overly buxom blonde with braids (and everything else) bouncing, turns around says I feel the need for hot chocolate. Kyneburh whimpered. Friday was a rare evening at home so we finally, finally got to see Joss Whedon�s new series Firefly. I picked up the phone and called Rags�s cell. Do you know Wat is in this show? From that movies A Knight�s Tale? Every time I see that movie, I hear Ragnarr�s voice proclaiming, �I want to squire Wat. Oh yeah,� while Kymber looks daggers at him � Wat being the uncontrollable red haired squire that spent the entire movie threatening to �fong� people. You know, Rag�s is living a Knight�s Tale kind of world. Check the list. +Slender brunette metalworker. +Older, stable respectable squire. +Young fiery squire to be. All he needs is a Geoffrey Chaucer like herald. And I want to see those auditions. Heck, I want to sell tickets to those auditions. Wonder if Susie would do it? When Rags starts issuing tshirt�s that say �New World Order�, I�ll officially worry. Random reading of diary surveys reveal a repressed need for Scrabble. I like scrabble. Who�s game besides Kev and AoD? Are you ever going to cook the duck that�s in the fridge? Only if they stop shooting people. Huh? says Roland. I need bing cherries and pineapple for the chutney that goes with the duck, but I didn�t stop at the store because some sniper�s gone Natural Born Killer in this area and I�m afraid I�ll get shot. Thus, avoiding stopping at the grocery store. I want you know know this is surreal. Surreal indeed. Thank you to all the friends that have sent prayers and wishes. What kind of world is it when we can�t go about our lives without being hunted by a coward with a rifle? From the West Wing episode, Isiah and Ishamel: What said the student to Sam Seabourne, White House Senior staff, Do you call a place where you can�t go to a pizza parlor without getting blown up? Sam:Israel Oh Lord God I pray, watch over your creation and all your children in it. � � Scribble to Theo previous - next �