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2002-04-18 - 8:34 a.m. Then, they set my monitor on fire. I'm so busy these days, I have to stay logged off AIM because my friends are too adorable and distracting. But yesterday afternoon, when I looked at the nine new documents I needed to read, I heaved a big sigh and did what any ten year old would do. Ignored my homework and logged on to AIM. Padraiga: Do you have a fork? Theo: Why? Are you done? Padraiga: I'm on the telecon that won't die. Theo: Nia's telling me a story. If you've got a mute button, I'll send it along. Padraiga: God, I need a laugh. I've got a mute button. Like I've said before, it all started so innocently, with Nia asking me for stories. Just to prove this stuff doesn't only happen to me, today's entry is Nia's story. Nia: how shall I amuse you? Theo: Tell me a story. Nia: I could tell you about watching Nikulai set fire to my computer last night.... See...it started out as a Christmas gift Theo: Dude! That would be agood story. (You're going to write this up for diaryland, right?) Nia: And then, I paid an arm, a leg, and a small chicken, and got DSL Nia: (you think I should?) Theo: (I wrote an entry about Laura and a Pooh puppet. Why not?) Nia: should I go there and do that, rather than tell it to you? Theo: No no no. Tell me now. Nia: immediate gratification girl.... okay, so I get DSL, which is an entertaining story that I'll tell you some other time... And Misha sets up my DSL. It works anyway. He makes me choose a password (this is important, remember this part) Theo: I just spit water on my computer. Nia: Then he hooks up every appliance in my house to a giant power strip, refits all my telephones will little cable box doohickies so that I will have 47 thousand lines coming into my house and away we go. Now, you might think that is the end of this pleasant little tale But if you thought that, you'd be an idiot. Because nothing in my life is that simple, ever Theo: My officemate is staring at me giggling. Nia: So there I am, checking email, looking at websites, just generally being Sandra Bullock in the Net. You know, I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I'm having fun - kinda thing (I hate that movie. ask me why, and get a rant, later) Theo: (Never saw it) Nia: (she is clueless and stupid, and gets "hacked") Nia: Okay, so hanging out on the 'net, and I decide I want to download Kazaa. 'm a Pirate Over 30, and the bane of the music industry. Give it a rest Theo: Kwanza? Isn't that a made up African America Holiday involving bright colors and harvest themes? Nia: yeah, yeah...you're interrupting here Theo: (sorry) Nia: so, I try to download 1 mp3. 1 not 10 not 100 1 Theo: (I'm humming ominous music for you) Nia: and aside from being the loneliest number, it's also the smallest number Theo: (It's the smallest positive integer. There are many smaller numbers) Theo: (Don't kill me) Nia: ..... Nia: and I can't. Why? you ask. Because there is not enough space available on my computer for 1 mp3. Do you know how big 1 mp3 is? Theo: Not really. Nia: Quarks are bigger than an mp3. It takes up practiacally not space whatsoever. This doesn't make sense, I say to myself (when you live alone, you talk to yourself a lot). So I call Nikulai. "Hey, you gave me a broken computer" I say. And, because he had just woken up, he said " Huh?" And I tell him my download woes. So he comes over to look at the computer and figures out that he has the partitions wrong. Here's where things get a bit murky, because I don't know what the hell a partition is but, it is, apparently, wrong. So he announces that he will have to re-ghost the machine. Nia: Okay, I say. How hard can that be? I had to ask. So God mocked me. He tries to re-ghost the machine and it does not work, something about not recognizing DoS? Whatever. It fails, this process, and now I can't even use the internet or anything. not to download, just to check mail and the like Nia: So last night, Nikulai and Manus came over for dinner and to fix the treadmill and the computer treadmill - (another story - later) Remember that password I mentioned earlier? Well, Misha had set the machine to remember the password, so I promptly forgot it about 10 minutes after he told me what it was. So when Nikulai was rebuilding the machine last night....are you following the bouncing Nikulai? He turns to me at one point and says..."What's your Bell South id and password?" I look at him blankly. Quoi? I say. Nia: "you know" he says "how do you log on?" And I say "dunno, the machine remembers". And he looks like I just hung his cat out the window. Then heaves a big sigh. Then we call the DSL Support Guy. I should have mentioned that I have been doing crunches and my back is hurt so I wanted to take a shower and steam out my muscles instead, I'm on the phone, verifying myself to the Bell South Guy eventually, everyone is satisfied that I am who I say I am, and that I am an idiot who can't remember ids or passwords, and Nikulai takes over. Nia: I go soak in the shower. Manus fixes the treadmill. I soak in the shower some more. Nia: Manus and Nikulai have long drawn out discussion involving technical terms about computers that not only will I never know, but I'll never care about, either. I soak a bit more. Then, I climb out of the shower. MMMM....clean jammies, clean Nia, the world is a good place Nia: But wait, what is that burning smell? HEY! What is that burning smell?? Oh, nothing, they reply, as if it is nothing. Nia: It turns out to be the monitor, which has decided to burn itself out just as they are finishing the installation process for the OS. Nia: HEY! That's on fire! I say. No, its unplugged, they announce to me. Now, granted, I don't know much about a lot of stuff. But I seem to recall in the 6th grade or so, learning about electrical fire. And it seems to me that things don't need a continuing power source to remain on fire. But I'm having faith here, because I am trying to relax my back. I say... "Someone is taking that monitor out of here. Not me, someone with clothes on" Nia: They natter on about things for a bit, including a lively discussion of library collections at the various colleges/universities that we have attended. I keep an eye on the monitor In a few minutes, I throw them out, so I can go to sleep. Nikulai takes the monitor to the garbage. I lay awake listening to the garbage, hoping not to hear fire station sirens. I fall asleep, and dream of burning down my apartment complex with a faulty monitor. Nia: And I wake up this morning realizing that now, not only can I not download mps, or check my mail, or surf the net, I am going to have to pony up for a new monitor along with paying 50 a month for DSL. Sigh Nia: No mp3 is worth this Theo: Geez, you've got to post this. Nia: dunno, seems a bit on the boring side Theo: I think the 'It was on fire' definitely livens things up. Theo: Padraiga? You still there? Padraiga: I'm sorry. I've just been too convulsed with laughter to type. � � Scribble to Theo previous - next �