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Recent News... Just for Pope Gregory... |
2001-09-14 - 3:05 p.m. Hollow A rainy, gloomy Friday at the end of a tragic week. I'm feeling somehow hollow inside. We're all struggling to work - Two of us just spent two hours struggling through some calculations that would've normally taken us thirty minutes. None of us are on our game today. My building went dead silent at noon today. I've discovered I don't own any red. Being a redhead, I generally look very bad in the color. I couldn't find anything red, white and blue to wear today. I need to find some ribbon. I need to buy a flag. I'm feeling the need to turtle up in a ball just for awhile, but I refuse to give in to despair, because that's what they wanted. Last Chance was fun last night, but underneath there was something none of us were talking about. I think it's this hollowness. The company of friends really, really helped, but I still have to face this strange disconnected feeling in the pit of my stomach. Elsworthy cheered me up immensely by gifting me with the Devil duckie. It's evil and ridiculous and it's glaring evilly from the top my monitor. I've discovered McPhee has them in blue, which would match the guest bathroom nicely. I think I'm having survivor grief. I wonder when it's okay to feel normal again. When are we allowed to feel better, to laugh, to play again? We must honor our dead, but we must not let the terrorist plunge us into despair. Grief continues to war with anger. I have the Les Miserables soundtrack on repeat at work. There's a grief that can't be spoken. There's a pain that goes on and on. Empty chairs at empy tables.. � � � 
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