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Finding the nativity

An accelerated rate

To tell the secrets of my prison-house

House and a shelf

2004-07-29 - 12:31 p.m.

Penis on a stick

Like all good fighters just before Pennsic., Roland has been busy armoring.

Like all armorers, Roland has been so frustrated with the progress he was ready to throw his armor tools out the window. And, you know, when you�re already pounding metal, there�s not much alternative stress release for this kind of thing.

You see, he�s making new arm armor. (I could use the correct terms, but I�d muck them up and get mocked, so, I will refrain.) Cause he�s an overachiever, it�s fairly complex 15th century stuff. Cause he�s a perfectionist, he�s intolerant of mistakes.

Watching this, I�m glad I work in cloth. Much more forgiving.

Anyway.

Roland eventually realizes his problem is he doesn�t have the correct stake. For any Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer fans, let me correct your mental image. To an armorer, a stake is a hunk of metal on a stick. The hunk on the top of the stick comes in various shapes, useful for being the photo-negative of the shape you�re trying to pound out of steel. This means, despite the fact that there are so many tools in the shop I can rebuild my house in either English or metric units, Roland needs a different tool.

Like all good medieval people, Roland goes on pilgrimage.

Roland, where are the crates I just emptied?
Oh, I used them to pack books to show Eldred.
Two huge crates? Surely, Eldred has these books.
Maybe not. It�s just two crates.
Um, the stack of photo albums are really a third crate, but whatever gets you through.

Roland enjoys the Eldred and Claire hospitality for the weekend.
Eldred has the stake Roland needs.
Roland gets no sleep. He armorers. He and Eldred dig through thousands of pictures. He armorers some more. He is a very happy Roland.

Triumphantly, he brings his wife a picture of the much needed tool.

It looks like I say, incredulously, a penis on a stick.
Indignant noises from Roland.
No, seriously, it looks like you took a penis and put a stick through the side of it.
Ow-I�m-a-guy-don�t-even-suggest-such-a-thing-it�s-not-funny noises from Roland.

And, you�re going to take a picture of this to a local machine shop/scrap yard and ask them to make it? Can you imagine what they are going to think? No, really, the guy will take the picture and your order. Then, he�ll waltz around back to show his shopmates. I�m sure the conversation will go something like this:

�Hey, Fin, look at what this guy wants. Is it me, or does this look like a double-ended penis on a stick?�

�I don�t know, Harv, but you better smooth the ends down really good, just in case.�

Just my vivid imagination at work.


Roland pouted at me. He tried having Kymber commiserate � but she was forced to admit she was familiar with the stake in question and it did, in fact, resemble a male organ.

K and Roland think I�m insane. But, at least I haven�t been stalked by waterfowl or asked a valet to park a duck this week. Kymber.

Scribble to Theo

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