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2003-10-19 - 5:38 p.m.

The what, the why and the pajamas

The best thing about my weekend is getting to work in pajamas.

Well, not the best thing, but it was nice to go to the office in tshirt sweats, long pj shirt and comfy mocs. Even nicer, my Marg was working over the weekend (dressed in an electric teal sweatsuit), and she keeps candy in her office.

I know, it�s perhaps dumb to give up your free hours to work extra. But, I couldn�t stand being days and days behind finishing what needs to be done to keep the promises I�ve made. Sucked all the joy out of a pretty kickin� job and left me unable to relax into other activities.


We watched Matrix Reloaded Saturday night. (I hadn�t seen it in the theatres. See previously paragraph about pitiful workaholic tendencies.)

I�ve watched it twice, now, and I have a theory on where the brothers are going.

A choice is no choice unless you know why you choose.
If you don�t know the why, your sense of control is only an illusion and the choice is, truly, not freedom but an inevitability. To those who know why something is done, choices play like watching a predictable movie.

Neo is becoming aware, understanding the why, which will give him control of his destiny. Matrix Revolutions comes out next month, so I guess I�ll see if I�m right.

Still, it made me think. Why did I give up a Saturday, eschewing beautiful fall weather, the company of my true love, and other much more fun plans to work?

You think, what do you want?
You think, make a decision.

Although how can you know
Who you are till you know

What you want, which you don't?

Because, I needed to get things done? Too easy a reason.
Because, I�d promised to get things done. Closer.
But I think the truth is I�m too proud to not have it all done perfectly. So, is pride or perfectionism my besetting sin? Or, maybe, the truth is I needed things back in order to regain my sense of control.

Interesting chain of self reflection � especially since my division used to sell t-shirts proclaiming �Control Freaks.�

And you've learned something, too,
Something you never knew,
On the steps of the palace.

-Cinderella�s soliquoy �On the Steps of the Palace� from �Into the Woods� [Artist: Steve Sondheim]

Scribble to Theo

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