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2003-07-03 - 11:24 a.m. Days of Hemlock and Roses Today, I am taking the day off, because, I am tired. Because, I get a four day weekend. Cause my team says I deserve it. Though it could be my team wants me to relax cause I threatened to poison someone on Tuesday. Monday evening, I was made to look like an unprepared idiot in front of my project manager because a colleague held out on me. The Boy, whom I�ve told previously to back off, decided to give me enough rope to hang myself. Well, I have this (arcane, difficult to find, never told anyone I had it, never been published) information at my desk. I don�t know why you couldn�t find it for inclusion in this trade study. Perhaps, I deserve to receive a little baiting from him. I tell him to let me do my job and he decides to let me do it unaided, even when he has useful information. I feel I should also explain that I *expect* my job to be like this. The life cycle of a project can be begins in �excited eagerness�, builds through �minor irritations�, climbs into �stressed and overworked� and, occasionally, peaks violently into �blind hatred�. (Of course, engineers have a graph of the emotional phases of a project. I really should find that graph and post it.) So, I am at a predicted peak. I am Scottish. I am blunt. I sit down with mine and The Boy�s technical leader and explain this. Look, are we a team, or aren�t we? He had useful and important information and held it back. Yeah, he really was grandstanding during that meeting. Grandstanding? You think?!?! Let me tell you, I do not have time to try to out research/out-Goggle The Boy. It is amazing how much stuff he finds from surfing. I�m constantly impressed by his encyclopedic knowledge Right, cause information found on the internet is always trustworthy. If you checked our project website it would, of course, be up to date with reality. Big, silent pause of realization. Look, if I�ve pissed him off, I�ll grovel and apologize. But I will not follow breadcrumbs of information, and I will not work this way. I am done having The Boy redo my math cause he doesn�t believe my results. If you want me to spend two hours talking him through the calculations every time I present information, I want more time in my schedule. I know He is Socratic, I know he likes to debate so he can understand, but I will not play Plato and Socrates for the next four years, cause that relationship ended with hemlock. So, we can either change the way we�re doing business, or I can mix up the cup right now and rush to the inevitable denouement. There were valid reasons Xanthippe never let Socrates come home and Athens executed him as too annoying to live. Stunned silence. Then finally, Have you talked to Him about this? Cause he really respects you and would be devastated to know you are this upset with him. I can�t count the number of times you�ve fought with him, and he�s wound up in my office yelling at me cause you were right. Just like that, a gift of oblique, second hand praise lifts my spirits. The Boy and I will have a floor clearing fight, another phase in our fond but adversarial relationship - and all will be well again in the world. After all, I truly do adore him like a brother. We should sell tickets. We scare people when we fight. Thanks, to Lisette, for sewing on Monday. Producing sometime beautiful and useful was a joyful affirmation after Monday�s frustrations. I am scary? My colleagues find me intimidating when I reach this cold passionate anger, but I just don�t see it. I suppose, you never look in the mirror when angry. Roland says the soft-spoken emphasis and stillness when I am coldly anger are intimidating. K says the periods between each spoken word are painful. Lis thinks it�s cause my vocabulary and mind travel to strange places where people can�t follow me and they fear the unknown. (I suppose not many people would�ve come up with the word socratic.) I�m often startled by other�s perspective of me, so different from my own self-image, and enjoy the lessons offered by a different viewpoint. I admit to being curious what interview questions I would get from everyone. Wonder what people have always wondered about me. How circular. But, this freaky and meditative little anachronist likes to pause for self-reflection. Makes for a jarring pit stop in our modern world of 10 seconds of fame and flashy images. Or maybe, it�s just a pretentious excuse to savor good Scotch and stare silently into the forest. Anyway, my discipline team did a nine hour presentation on Tuesday, earning rave reviews for our peers. And, at least three times, I managed to convince the disbelieving project folks lurking in the back that I was right and the stuff The Boy said I was exaggerating was indeed a real problem. Another thing to savor, selfishly triumphant. When I got home, there were white roses waiting for me. � � Scribble to Theo previous - next �