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Recent News... Just for Pope Gregory... |
2003-05-30 - 10:54 a.m. Fuzzy and blue Last Friday, when we were very very done with work, myself and three of my colleagues stumbled into a discussion of history beginning with a subject near and dear to Gyrth�s heart, the color blue. It�s going to rain the entire Memorial day weekend. Blue sky. Do you think we�ll ever see blue sky, soft fuzzy blue sky again? But the sky�s not really fuzzy blue anyway. Clouds are white and fuzzy. Fuzzy and blue would be just wrong. There really isn�t anything fuzzy and blue. Actually, I say There�s sheep. They stare. No, seriously. In the 15th century they threw these elaborate parties for major occasions. And at the Duke of Burgundy�s wedding a blue sheep jumped out of a pie. You are making that up. No, seriously. There�s a record from his court herald. [from the description of Jean le Fevre, lord of St. Remy, the duke's herald of the occasion of Philip the Good, duke of Burgundy�s marriage to Isabella of Portugal.] This duke had some sort of thing or badge with sheep so they dyed one blue and wrapped gilt around the horns. And they stuck it in a pie with a guy dressed as a Wildman holding the leash. And they baked this? No, no, no. Like that four-and-twenty blackbirds nursey rhyme thing� that was a real medieval thing, spectacle food. They�d bake a pie shell, them put the shell *over* the birds after baking. Cut the pie and the birds flew out. Must�ve been a big pie. I guess. And have you ever met a sheep? My three male coworkers shift uncomfortably. Not in any sort of personal way. Well, I have. They are smelly and pushy and the wool is not soft and I just cannot imagine the hassle necessary to dye a sheep blue. Wait, wait, wait. They do that now with the flea or tick dip stuff, don�t they? Well, yes. But think about it. They take this blue sheep and now, it�s wet, blue and pissed and then they wrap gold around it�s horns. Then some poor smuck gets in a pie holding a leash. Now, you�re in a pie, crouched down around a wet, blue pissed sheep with horns. Could you pay me enough? Life was simpler in medieval times, though. It was sort of a do it or we�ll kill you kind of thing. Maybe they were all drunk. Well, yes. They built an entire extra banquet hall for this festival. And the entrance had stone animals that poured wine from their mouths, constantly flowing both red and white wine. Hmmm. Hey, what about the Braveheart guys? You know, they painted themselves blue. My neck snaps at the change of subject, till I realize they�re filling in their knowledge of history based on Hollywood and the color blue Well, that was the Picts. They painted themselves blue and ran naked into battle. I have no clue why they figured William Wallace, from a society several centuries later, painted himself blue. Except they were ancestors of the Scots. Wait, wait, wait. Naked? Yeah. Romans, Hadrian�s wall that block off the southern part of Britian from the northern Scottish area. Built by Rome to keep out the barbarians. Any of this ring a bell? Okay. Hadrian�s wall, yes. But there�s no way they were running naked into battle, everything hanging in the wind. The blue stuff was hallucinogenic. No, way. It�s called woad. W-o-a-d. Like �woad, dude�. It�s a topical hallucinogenic. Spread it on your skin and your both blue and high as a kite. Made them beserkers in battle, scary as hell blue devils, cause they were too high to feel any pain. That�s it. That�s why the Vikings had horns on their helmets. To be scary. We�ve talked about this. It�s bad history from Wagnerian opera. They did not have horns on their helmet. But, but, you said they had drinking horns. So, here they are drunk at a party and some takes the horns and puts them on their head and says �Hey, Sven, look at me.� And, Sven says �Wow, that�s scary. We should do that in battle.� There you go. Are we twelve? Give it up. But it would make them scary. That was Japan � entirely different continent � that painted their armor to look like a demon in battle. I bet they did it. There were not horns on Viking helmets, no matter what Bugs Bunny says. Are you high? No, I�m not high. You don�t see me painted blue, do you? And then, for some reason surpassing understanding, I put these people in my truck and we went to lunch. � � � 
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